In Relation to the Sun
Some days are good and some are very bad.
TRIGGER WARNING: A story about an unpopular topic – Vaccine Injury
It has been a very complicated four years. On a collective scale, we are all feeling massive changes at accelerating rates. Add a personal injury that has never happened in history. There is no precedent, no treatment plan, no cure. Symptom management only. Feeling completely alone and misunderstood. It has required an unshakable commitment to seeking friends, doctors and communities that do not dismiss and deny what they don’t understand but sit and listen. Maybe even suggest solutions. Because this is the new normal. For me and many many others with Post-Vaccine Syndrome (PVS).
Personal Story
Four Moderna shots. The second shot caused shoulder pain.
Five months later, couldn’t lift the arm.
Past injuries were overcome with exercise. New injury is further injured by exercise.
Fainting, Dizziness, Chronic Fatigue, Joint Pain, Muscle Spasms, Dysautonomia, Brain Fog (concussion-like)
Primary Care, Physical Therapy, Orthopedic Specialist, Neurologist, Rheumatologist
X-Ray, MRI, Cortisol Shots, Ozone, Prozac, Propranolol, Gabbapentin, Red Light Therapy, Methelyne Blue
Inflammation.
Cytokine Storms.
Debilitated.
Bedridden.
Four years later, there has been some improvements (and major setbacks). I’m learning to live within new limits. Walking the dogs on a leash irritates the shoulder and triggers symptoms. So I attach their leashes to my waist to prevent overuse of my arm. I can’t carry groceries, so I have them delivered. The only exercise I can comfortably do are chores. Laundry days are by far the most effortful. The only way I can physically do things is by planning. And I need recovery days afterwards. Because when I push beyond my envelope of energy, I suffer in bed for days. Laundry days alone can take two days to recover (depending on the load and the accumulated exhaustion).
I am learning the humility of asking for help, which has been difficult for someone that enjoyed the independence of doing things on their own.
I’ve learned to go to bed early and wake up at dawn.
I’ve learned to meditate.
Perhaps the most depressing thing about this new normal is being an artist and no longer able to use (power)tools. I often lose control of my hands and drop things or become clumsy (especially when I overwork myself). The line between being capable or too clumsy can be difficult to define. Thus, when exhausted, I opt out to avoid an injury. But again, I am making adjustments to my practice in ways that don’t conflict with my condition.
I’ve learned to set boundaries.
However, sometimes I’m stubbornly focused, and that threshold collapses. And I spend days recovering.
In the past few months, I developed a new pain in the center of my palm. To the point that I have trouble opening my hand. I’m now wearing these black fingerless, copper-laced compression gloves that make me feel like Madonna in the 80’s. : )
Winters are the worse (for me). Reynaud’s Disease constricts the blood flow in my hands and feet as a response to cold temperatures. This was true since childhood. But combining new PVS symptoms: dysautonomia, heart palpitations, inflammation, blood flow constrictions, muscle spasms —I’m completely miserable in extreme cold. Wearing wool and other warm fibers isn’t enough. Circulating the blood from within is necessary. Hot baths, hot tea, LiquidIV, THC gummies, Beltane for Pain, and meditation are my remedies for dealing with this dysregulation.
Planting sunflower seeds every season (since 2020) has become a form of meditation for me that has led to many coincidences and people who taught me about the sun from solar deities and rituals to solar maximum. Everything on this website is a manifestation from such source and remains a form of healing and meditation.
I believe in Science.
I am immensely grateful for the clinical trials: Recover and Listen and the communities that were gained. I will continue to follow the research and provide samples. But I am tired. I’ve abandoned all of the prescriptions to reset my body and I’m moving to the desert, where my nervous system is more regulated and soothed.
Next week, I have multiple doctor appointments.
To collect all their notes.
What I do know:
My blood submitted in June 2025 to a COVID Antibody Spectrum Test that measures the total IgG antibody concentration and quality to the Spike protein variants of SARS−CoV−2:
Results have shown abnormalities in the quantity of SARS−CoV−2 antibodies your body is producing.
Results also show that some of those antibodies are of low quality.
Spike protein has been wrecking havoc in my system for years and I’m not allowed to take anymore mRNA shots.
I don’t want pity.
WE NEED MORE RESEARCH. MORE AWARENESS. MORE SCIENCE.
For anyone going through this harrowing experience, I want to help connect you to the resources I have found over these four years. Support and community is the biggest gift I can give.
——————
This post will have a future update as more information is received.